Let's Be Real Here

So, i'm watching TLC and i see commercial after commercial for a new show coming out called "Big Sexy". *sigh*..... Where do i begin?!?!

Ok... So.... I get it, women wanna feel like they're beautiful and it's ok to be who they r and look the way they do and blah blaaah blaaaaahzzzzzzzzzz

but let's be real here, it's cool to be ok with how u look but what thee fuck? U like being unhealthy? U like that ur in danger of or suffering diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, clogged arteries, and countless other problems that come along with being over weight? Like, for real bitches. There is always this uproar of concern about how skinny women in the media make young girls have insecurities and eating disorders and horrible body issues. Also, it is fan-fucking-tastic for a fat woman to slam skinny woman, saying thet they look hungry or that they don't eat or that they wish they were bigger or that they're not real women.... Yet, if a skinny comedian made it her life's work to beat down fat women, create entire shows about how fat women r..well.. Fat, It would be terrible! There would be marches and protests and ppl saying things like "this is what's wrong with the world today!" and all kids of bullshit. But monique can call me a skinny bitch all day and i'm supposed to just laugh that shit off.

My point is this... Isn't obesety just as dangerous and unhealthy as anerexia? Isn't over eating, not exercising and allowing yourself to gain pound after pound, roll after roll, just as unhealthy and just as destructive as skipping meals, not eating large enough meals and obsessing over being a smaller size? And y r these women given so much praise? Y is it that nobody is blaming them for the mass amount of fat young girls out there wearing tight ass clothes cuz "they're big and beautiful" or cuz "real women have curves"? It's not ok to not take care of yourself! Ok, maybe i didn't say that right.

IT'S NOT OK TO NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

I refuse to believe that anyone, fat or skinny, is happy with themselves when they know that they're unhealthy. And btw fat girls, healthy is not another word for fat. If we're gonna do something to make ourselves feel better, we need to all embrace the movement of healthier eating and living and THEN be ok with being big or small. Even monique lost weight. She's not skinny, but i bet she's way more healthy. C'mon son!

Oh jeez...

There r times when i feel alone... Lonely. Nights when i can't think of one person i can talk to. Sometimes when ppl hear this, they feel compelled to tell u that u can always talk to them.... I think there's something being misunderstood tho... When i say that i'm lonely and that i don't have anyone to talk to or feel like there is no one to reach out to. My true dilema is not that i don't think i could call this person or that... The true dilema comes when i'm not alone but can't talk to who's around and even if i could... Even if i could just magically have someone wake up or stop what they're doing... I don't know what to say. My loneliness usually leaves me speechless....without answers.... Unsure y i feel alone in the first place.
Some ppl call this depression... Which may be true... I don't know for sure and to be real, beyond this blog... I'm never gonna take any steps toward acknowledging or fixing this problem. I have too many other things to worry about. Kids to take care of.. A husband to care for as well... Nobody ever notices when i don't feel like myself... Nobody thinks to ask "r u ok?" but i can't really complain because if someone actually took the time to see me... Really see me and ask if i was ok... I'd say i was fine and keep going. Keep being this... Way... This securely insecure, independantly needy... Completely out of my mind me. I'm unable to figure out what makes me tick... But i feel like i know how to keep it together... Does that make sense?.... It doesn't matter.