From Charlotte to Carrie to.... Miranda?

Growing up and into my teen years, i was just like Charlotte york. I wished and dreamed of finding my perfect man, having children and the whole happily ever after experience.....
From teen years to my early twenties, i related more to Carrie. Into fashion, involved but still fabulous, trying to findmyself yet very aware of who i was. And, of course, hoping that everything would go the distance with my Mr. Big. Even after my first kid, i still felt very Carrie. Very much like my same free spirited self and still like i was an individual....
This second baby?.... Miranda. I feel more like my having a baby has caused put a large wedge between me and my social life. I'm not doing anything different, however, i feel a bit like there is aknowledgement that i've had a baby and then.... Nothing. I don't expect for life to change for my single and/or childless friends... But maybe every once in a while it would be nice for them to poke their heads into my world and check in. Maybe exude some interest in doing something that i can bring the baby to. Or, i dunno.... Visit? Meet the baby? Honestly, even a text asking how the i and the baby were doing.
I am so happy to be a mom and be able to make the choice of staying with my baby until i'm ready to leave him, but i think i just expected something different from my "friends".... Whatever....

Writing is my therepy

I've never been to therepy. My assumption is that u go in and talk to an unbiased party about ur problems and they somehow help to reach a solution or some level of inner peace. (I coiuld be wrong, but let's assume it's like everything else in life and i'm right. Lol!)
Writing does this for me. I don't have a way with spoken words... In fact, i often find that my mind empties of all valid and piercing thoughts when presented with the opportunity to express them verbally. But i can always find the words when i'm writing them down. Sometimes i have thee most negative thoughts... About myself, about certain situations, other ppl, life... And if i write about it, i instantly feel better. I feel more relaxed, far less tense. Oddly enough, these writings don't have to be read in order for me to feel better. This served as a terrible truth in the early years of my relationship. I would write down the things that made me angry or hurt and never express them to him. It was rather unhealthy, but it kept me from doing a lot of ranting at 3am. Lol. Communication is better between us now. However i still find it to be effective to write down the random nonsense that pops into my head and takes up valueable space. That's what this is for the most part. It's not every single thing (i actually talk to my husband now, and i do have 2 kids that make it hard for me to take a break and write about my feelings) but it's what i got when i got it. If i couldn't write, i'd be crazy... Litterally crazy. I'd be the most violent frustrated ball of fire.... Just a little bit of nonsense for u.

Insecurity...

It's fairly safe to say that everyone falls victim to insecurity at some point in time in life. But where does it come from? Where does self-doubt begin? At what point does a beautiful, smart, funny, loving woman turn into a self-doubting, needy and all around unhappy person? What is the cause of feeling like ur less than enough? Less than fantastic?
R those who seem to have it all figured out and all of the confidence in the world, truely as sure of themselves as they seem? I mean, i've always felt like the women that feel the need to point out their greatness, probably need to do so in order to convince themselves. But what about the modestly confident woman?... The woman who just screams self love and awareness of how amazing she is and can be?... Is she really just as broken inside? And another thing, why does it matter? Why does it make one insecure woman feel better to know that other women feel like her? Does insecure misery love insecure company?...

Content?

For decades ppl have been opposed to change In the arts. Music and television seem to have the highest level of progression along with the highest level of controversey (sp?... Whatever) surounding their content. Music went from religious to happy to sad to sexual to violent to.... Well... Empty. Thru these different stages, the artists have always gone between 2 defenses... 1, It's about life and 2, it's just for entertainment value. Television, seems to have gone from obvious fantasy with hints of possible reality, to emulation of reality, to forced reality... All these "reality" shows have totally owned up to being staged and only partial reality... Yet we still watch, we still listen and we still enjoy. Y is that?
Point blank, i love a lot of pointless tv and music. Songs about nothing, with a great beat and shows about nothing, with great hair, makeup and wardrobes.
I just love to dance and look at beautiful ppl/ things. I'll even watch jewelry tv and fashion shows... Listen to music without lyrics....
all in all i feel like tv and music r there for entertainment and nothing more. Sure u can watch nat geo, animal planet or the history channel and get some new info to feed ur mind, but even still, we'd more than likely only tune in if the educational show is going to be entertaining as well...
This was just a thought i had as i watched the hot messes we know as "basketball wives" hahahahahaha!

What's the real deal?

In everyday life, it's becoming more and more common for men and women to reguard eachother with disrespect, mistrust and prejudgement. It seems that no one is willing to open up to give or receive genuine emotion. If u ask a man y he doesn't treat women as valuable creatures, his answer is likely to reveal past negative experiences (of both himself and other men that he has known), and the belief that women do not deserve any better. Hmm
If u ask a woman y she mistrusts men or feels such a negative way about them, she's more than likely to reveal the same.

It seems to be a visious cycle of stereo typing, assumption, heartbreak and humiliation that has molded us into the ppl that we r today. Men use women for sex and bait them with money, women decide that money = attraction. Women feel the need to go above and beyond (spending money, over extending themselves and being a doormat), to keep their men.. In turn, men decide that passive behavior = love. And then it continues on. Men begin to believe that the only way to get a woman is money and begin to lose respect and start to resent the women who respond... Women feel like they have to baby a man to get him to stay and then lose respect for and resent the men who this is true for. Essentially we've begun to lose respect for eachother and have completely lost sight of both the value of the opposite sex and, more importantly, the value of ourselves. If we cannot just love ourselves enough to say, "i will treat myself with respect, carry myself they way i deserve, and will offer myself (not my body, not my walet), no more and no less to those who treat me respectfully." then we will never be able to see eachother for who we all can be. We can be beautiful, loving, caring, respectful, peaceful, accepting and happy... If we tried.

Cuz i'm bored, vain and feel like it...

Alright, so i'm not really into the whole "i had a baby so everyone listen to me ramble on about them and what life is like being their mom"... However, i do feel the need to express things like this.....
After my first son, my body literally bounced back. After a week, i was at pre baby weight and looked the same aside from the awesome boobage. I proceeded to further my in-shape-ness by working out on occasion, had some photo shoots, became a dancer and after 2 years of that had a body like never before. Some thought i was too thin, but fuck that, my body was fantastic... Aside from the lack of boobage. Hahahaha! Anyhoo, i figured that when i had my second baby it would be the same, or at least not much different.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The joke was clearly on me cuz after 8 months, i haven't even gotten within earshot of my pre baby weight! BUT (and i made that big cuz this is big for me) with this ass, these hips and thighs, this toned, but not ripped tummy and, of course, the boobage.. I am really feelin myself! Like, seriously, it feels like i got my money right cuz can't nobody tell me nuthin! Hahahaha! For real, i'm into a lot of different types of bodies, fat asses, big boob, super thin with muscle definition... But right now, i'm on me. I know, it sounds cocky, but idon'tgiveafuck and i'm so proud to feel like this about me. If u tried to bring me down ur hatin and u deserve the slap u shall receive. Ha! Every girl should be on this level!